kato age two

Jake the (non) Collie Returns



I was on my way back from the Post Office when a sleek, nippy Black dog excitedly shot past me and started running in circles, jumping and gambolling. One of the social housing residents came in hot pursuit but gave up breathless after about 4 meters and leant on a lamp post. He lit a roll-up

“Jake, you c*nt, gerrere” he wheezed

“Oh” I said “He’s back then”

I looked at the happy Jake who isn’t a collie but a pure black and very well groomed spaniel or possibly a sprollie. Though he was moving so fast it was hard to get a proper look. In another life Jake would be on a Grooming Table and eat a diet of Caviar IAMs.

“And he’s fucking grounded but does he listen” gasped the man and then peering at the ground around me asked “Where’s yorn dog?”

“At home, I’ve been to the Post Office and she’s not allowed in”

“Barred” he nodded “And Jake is”

Jake appeared beside us, but the minute the man went to grab him, Jake did a triple somersault using the man as a spring board then sprinted off at great speed to do several more laps of the grass. On about the 4th command to get in the fucking house Jake ran up the man, woofed in his face and shot back indoors. I could hear crashes and lots of shouting “Calm the fook down Jake” from the house. Jake popped his head back out of the door and gave a jovial bark before disappearing inside again.